This is the final day of my forty day fast. Years ago when I read about Jesus, Moses, and Elijah fasting for forty days, I wondered if there was some loophole where they could eat at night or something, but I knew that couldn’t be the case. I thought it was the most incredulous thing (and it is) and there was no way I could ever do it. Years ago, I tried fasting after promising Him I would for just a few days with mostly disastrous results. I would feel the hunger, but my biggest problem was dizziness to the point of fainting. Last July I felt it in me to start fasting again and since then I have fasted pretty often. I still had problems with dizziness, but I endured because I was more determined to keep my promises. The longest I have fasted was seven days and I did it three times, twice in December before Christmas. With my health, fasting wasn’t an easy thing.
One night I had a vision where meteorites fell from heaven on a cold winter’s night. With gloves on, I picked one up and it turned into several tiny Christmas presents. This vision came to me around a couple of months before Christmas, but I knew something big was happening for Christmas. I thought it was going to be something I’d like. On Christmas day, I received the worst news I have ever had in my life. I won’t say what it was. It’s very private and the explanation of it all is beyond the ability for most to believe. I barely ate that day, even though my favorite food was there to consume- turkey and all those great fixings. Turkey, gravy, dressing, gravy, mashed potatoes, gravy, long grain and wild rice, mac n cheese and others. If you find it weird to have Uncle Ben’s or Zatarain’s wild rice with mashed potatoes on the same plate, try it. You won’t go back. Anyway I had a small plate, but I prayed to God, saying that I won’t be eating for a long time. My life, which has known nothing but struggle, crashed with the worst news I could have ever received. I had it in my mind and soul a calling to fast for forty days, but I wouldn’t give in. At that point though, I was content to die. I prayed for death countless times from this. On the fifth day of fasting, I had the door of enlightenment come upon me as to possibilities as to why this event happened. I also had the calling become very strong to fast for forty days. It was as strong as when He first called me to read the Bible. During a prayer, I fought the impulse to relent to this call since it was such an overwhelming task. Imagine forty days without food. The discipline it would take is incredible, and I knew I couldn’t fail Him again, so I fought it as hard as I could. On my knees I said to the Great Lord God, “okay, I will fast for forty days, but can I start when Lent comes? Is it okay if I eat now?” Immediately the Holy Spirit came to me and I rejected my own question without a breath between. Immediately I sprung up to my feet and I said “no, I won’t eat until I have finished my forty day fast for you, my Lord.”
When taking this in at that time, I knew there was a reason I had to fast for forty days and I had to do it then. I don’t know why the time must be now, but it’s clear He did not want me to wait any further. During this time I prayed constantly about needing help from Him to take on this great task. His help was not shorthanded. I had less dizziness from this fast than when on two day fasts (or on the second day of a longer fast). As I wrote in “My Fast For Him”, I have very bad health problems which include hypertension. Early in the fast, I took two or three blood pressure pills but stopped.
I had my temptations. I missed out on my birthday, not to mention Christmas leftovers, New Year’s, and yes even the Super Bowl. I fought them with discipline and His help. There is no question I felt His guidance and help throughout this whole process. I had nothing solid. I had no ice cream, shakes, soup broth, or smoothies during this period. I have kept my word and this gift is a required one for Him.
The worst news in my life on the worst day of my life was something He used. Recently, with patience He let me know that with a certain type of people, He must tear them down so He can use them how He sees fit. Since this day and age is polluted by sin so much it is an unavoidable fume, I had to really be brought down in order for Him to use me. This one thing was the one to do it. He will still keep His promise because He can never lie, but He will do everything He feels He must do to prepare His servants for their journey. There is nothing He won’t do to get His elect ready to obey Him. Just ask Jonah.
My Lord, it is an incredible honor to fast forty days for You. It’s a greater honor that You made me do it. I don’t know what tomorrow will look like, but I know big changes are on the horizon. I know difficulty will be with me for the rest of my life, but You will be with me longer, and I with You. Lord Y’shua, thank You for everything You went through for all of us, especially us. Thank You for never sinning. Thank You for enduring Your fears. Thank You for keeping silent. Thank You for every smite You took; for every bit of spittle that You let hit Your face; for every lash; for every drop of Your blood; for every hammering of those spikes; for enduring all the mockery and not getting Yourself out of it when You had the ability to. Thank You for Your life, death, and Your victory over Satan. You are most worthy to be on His right side and You are most worthy to be our Lord, forever and ever. Our Lords, we love You with all our hearts, our minds, and our souls. We need You. We glorify You. We praise You. We bless You. We serve You. We do these things and will do them far beyond the limits of our lives. You will always be our Lords and we will always be Your servants. These days and this life is for You. I now ask that You forgive our iniquities and delay us no longer. Please do not be slack, but be as the Peregrine. Be no longer silent. Tell us what we must do. Help us help You. We love You both more than we can ever say and more than our very own souls. Without You, I couldn’t have done this. Without You, I can’t do this. We are nothing without our everlasting Father and our everlasting Lord. Throughout eternity, from our lips to Your ears- WE LOVE YOU! Amen.